It’s that moment when the cats’s special diet food smells appetizing you realize it’s time to get out. Locked inside, cleaning, working, only feeling the burn of the summer sun when it’s time to make a dump run or donate more hoarded materials taking up valuable space in the house. By the time night arrives, all of that creative inspiration to write the next great American novel takes on the hazy view of an intoxicated glaucoma patient. Motivation withers away as exhaustion – both mental and physical – presides.

Surrounded by nature – wooded open spaces, rivers, an Audubon – yet never able to really appreciate any of it. Life has not dealt me those cards, the universe seems to have other realities in store for me. Realities in the form of work, obligations to meet for my employer to yield a profit and in-turn pay me a salary. A salary that is obligated to pay for home and food and a few little luxuries; most importantly though, to support my daughter’s skating career. Obligations never cease to grow from the fertile soil of an active family lifestyle.

It is so rare that I find myself without something to do. Today is one of those days as I sit here in a Panera in the rolling hills on Connecticut eating lunch and writing feverishly on my iPad, waiting to return home after the realtor shows my private home off to prospective buyers. A circumstance we had not anticipated only a few months ago as our landlord placed the house on the market. One that necessitates relocating to my more urban hometown on the coast near friends, family, and the sprawling culture of the Greater NYC region. At least I’ll once again feel at home. My nature will be the patches of woods between commercial properties, the rivers dissecting towns and cities as they spill into Long Island Sound, and the waterfronts.

As it’s been said many times in varying capacities, life brings us full-circle. Less the snake eating its own tail and more an expedition through many life changing events and locations, only to return home as a stronger, wiser, more matured self. Until this move materialized, I never thought I would return to my hometown, much less feel excited about it.

Change is the predominant theme in my life this summer in every way. And I have no choice but to embrace it if I want to survive and continue to grow, and lose my appetite for the aroma of special cat food. More to come in a much less self-indulgent manner.

I wonder how many faceless people out there find themselves like me at this moment: filled with several creative ideas and inspirations, overwhelmed with sudden life changes and the associated obligations, and bearing the weight of a significant project about to rollout at my job. Thing is, if I had control over the timing on everything I would be in great shape, but I’m not a deity. Thing is, the project I feel least motivated to focus on this weekend is my top priority, and it would serve me well to work on it. Thing is, this is a pivotal point in my career … I think.

Nothing is worse than uncertainty, well, not literally, I can think of many worse things that result in ER visits. Some job scenarios out of my control have cost me secured employment, killed opportunities to get ahead in life, and one even set me back.

My current situation is a little different. I have some insight in what’s going on with this project since I’m leading the communication part of it. I know what is expected of me, but I don’t know enough about where I will stand when I come out on the other side. It’s a very strange scenario, one I don’t mean to be vague about, but I don’t have a choice. Vagueness drives me crazy when I read it elsewhere, believe me, I empathize and half-apologize.

A lack of foresight in anyone’s career path can lead to many questions and reservations. They must be smacked down before their dark tentacles take hold, choking off the oxygen nourishing one’s brain. I find the problem is with placing one’s future in someone else’s possession. It’s a risky endeavor, one not meant to exist in the natural world. Mother Nature would cringe at such a thought, if she was more than a metaphorical figure.

At the end of it all, more effort is required than should be necessary to maintain control over our futures. Despite corporate policies, legal disclaimers, and unwavering personalities, do what’s right for you. No one else cares about you more than you. And that applies to me too. Starting with my big project, there is a clichéd bull whose horns I must grab.

That’s it for the self-indulgent blog posts for the weekend. Next up … heads gone missing.